Updated: Jun 11
A little while ago one of my clients (an Enneagram 9w1) told me she was feeling down on herself and wishing she was different.
One of her friends had commented about how important it is to have fun in life.
My client immediately started thinking about all the ways that she didn't measure up to this friend. In her mind, she wasn't fun like her friend and it was harder for her to have fun. She said that she usually has to work hard to get herself to relax and enjoy social situations.
And this meant that something was wrong with her. She had a belief that she lacked one of the most important qualities that you can have as a human: fun-ness.
Thinking this thought made her feel small. She said she literally felt like hunching her shoulders and shrinking. She got really quiet, ruminated about her smallness, and created a result for herself where she wasn't having fun. At all.
I find it fascinating how our brains immediately look for evidence of our stories. As a Nine, you may also have a story in your mind that you don't measure up in some of the most important qualities, like fun-ness. I know I sure do.
As a human with a human brain, you create evidence from your past to prove your beliefs.
When you're feeling bad and you can see that this is what you've done, it helps you to stop using that self-created evidence to prove that you can't achieve a better outcome...like having fun, for example.
Is There Really Something Wrong?
So this is a great time to question the belief that something is wrong with you.
Who decided that being FUN, or even interesting as a human, is a more valuable gift than, say...seeing all perspectives, bringing the calm into any room, or paying good attention to detail?
Somehow culture has decided that, but it's even more important to see is that YOU decided that.
YOU created evidence to prove that somehow, fun people have more self-confidence and that people need the fun people more than they need you.
It's a lie. But you look for evidence of that and find it. Over and over again.
But even if it was true (which you can totally believe if you want to) try asking yourself what result you want to have in whatever circumstance you're in. Do you want to hate it, or do you want to have a good time?
If you want to have a good time, you have a few options:
You can decide to let those negative sentences stay in your brain, but just go ahead and be 100% you and have fun in your way even WITH those thoughts.
You can just decide that it's OK if you aren't a naturally "fun" person. (What if that were true? Think about how much better that thought feels.)
You can decide that your gifts are equally as valuable and needed. (IF you don't believe this, ask a fun person what gifts they wish they had, that they don't.)
You can decide that, even though you can't force yourself to somehow bring the fun for others, you can bring it for yourself.
And guess what? You can even decide that you ARE fun!! You can. Think about how differently you would show up if you believe this.
You can decide that your version of fun is fun. (Who decides what the definition of "fun" even is. It's all relative, right?)
Now that we humans are slowly starting to socialize more after a couple of years of introvert heaven, haha...what thoughts can you work on believing, that will make social gatherings, soccer games, church, work, interactions with people at the grocery store...everything...more fun for you?
Always keep this foremost in your mind:
You get to believe whatever you want to believe.
So choose wisely.
But don't overthink it. ;)
If you would like to feel more self-confident, but just reading about how doesn't seem to do the trick, you need a coach to help you see your thinking and take all your knowledge to the next level. It's like experiencing a massage instead of just learning about one. I help Nines like you every day with this very thing. I help them to see their limiting beliefs, to connect with themselves, and to quit sleepwalking through their lives.
I'll give you a little taste of coaching and you can decide if a coaching partnership with me would help.