Updated: Apr 20
Have you ever thought of numbing out (or "buffering" as I call it) as abandoning yourself?
The "Enneathought" from the Enneagram Institute today called it that.
One central aspect of a mature love of ourselves is caring about our growth sufficiently that we do not flee from the discomfort or pain of our actual condition. We must love ourselves enough not to abandon ourselves—and we abandon ourselves to the degree that we are not fully present to our own lives.
This is a question that I have asked myself often lately. "Do I care enough about my growth that I'm willing to engage in the discomfort of where I am right now?"
Because, when I'm caught up in worry or anxiety, I become detached from my true nature. And that never feels good or produces good actions or results.
The Type Nine Enneathought went on to say this:
The work of releasing the habits of the past is a heroic endeavor. It requires tremendous courage to face our hurts, losses, anger, and frustrations; it takes real compassion to not flee from our suffering. In a very real way, when we work on ourselves we are taking part in the evolution of human consciousness.
I get it, dear Nine. It's not a small thing to lean into the work of healing.
The Choice is Yours
We all have a journey to go on and it's completely our choice if we want to go on it, or not.
If we prefer to stay where we are, we can stay locked in our patterns. Even though it doesn't give us results that we like, it feels comfortable because it's what we've always done.
And you can totally stay there if you want to. It doesn't make you less of a person.
But if you are wanting more for your life, as a Nines, specifically, you will have to face your core fear of loss and separation head-on, in order to heal.
This, by nature, means that there are going to be times when you have to allow yourself to "step into the arena," as Brene Brown calls it. We have to say things that feel really vulnerable. We have to engage with people when all we really want to do go somewhere else.
As we start doing this over and over again, we are building new highways in our brain that make it much easier to trust ourselves and to be who we truly are...not who we think that everyone else wants or expects us to be.
We have to be willing to give up the false security that we think we have in order to create true internal security.
Give Yourself Grace
This is really big stuff for us. And our brains are currently wired to fight it with everything it has by telling us it's DANGEROUS!
So I just want to remind you that you must give yourself compassion. Every step of the way. This means gently reminding yourself that what you're experiencing is completely expected, given your human brain and your conditioning. And that nothing is wrong with you.
Courage to be in the arena, compassion, and a vision of your future-self are all requirements for your journey to growth.
What is Your Why?
Not every Nine is going to be compelled by the idea of evolving and growing, which is totally fine. Of course, it has to make sense to you.
Personally, it lights me up more than anything else to witness my growth, and to help others to witness theirs.
What is your why? Why do you want to quit abandoning yourself? Why would this healing be important to you?
If you feel like you want to explore it, set up a time to meet with me and tell me why. I'm here to help you along the way.