I asked myself this question last week and made a list.
Thinking about it afterwards was very revealing
None of the things that I "wanted" were things that I already "had."
I realized that the number one thing I want is Christ’s grace. I’d never be able to do what I do without it. And I have access to it whenever I need it. THAT is a blessing.
Then I started thinking about other things that I *used to* really want, but I don’t necessarily want anymore...because they are freaking HARDER than I had imagined.
I need to want those things though. Because they are important.
So I did a little self coaching.
Here is my current model:
CIRCUMSTANCE: 3 of my kids have mental and physical disabilities.
THOUGHT: I want life with them to be easier.
ACTION: I don’t do the things that will bring us closer. I don’t love on them as much as they need. I resist the negative emotions.
RESULT: I stay stuck in hard mode.
Is wanting life to be easier serving me in any way? It’s easy to see that that thought is optional...and poisonous to me. So...what thoughts would serve me better?
I decided to try on this one: “I want my life with them to be just as it is.”
If I thought that thought, my model would look more like this:
CIRCUMSTANCE: 3 of my kids have mental and physical disabilities. .
THOUGHT: I want life with them to be just as it is.
ACTION: Lean into it. Embrace it all. Allow myself to feel whatever I need to feel in those hard moments. Play more.
RESULT: I love my life as it is.
Do you see how much better that would be? So this is my work to do right now. Slowly bridging myself over to believing this thought with my whole soul. I know it’s possible and I’m making it there.
Hard helps us evolve. We get stronger when it’s harder, and strong is good. When we wish for life to be easier, it only makes it harder! So why not *want* what is? That feels so much better. Hugs to all my SN mamas out there. We’ve got this!!