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Toss those Manuals


Nines are usually pretty go-with-the flow.

But we’re humans. We still have lists of expectations, or “manuals” in our minds that tell us how the people in our lives should behave.

Want to know a good happiness hack?

Just toss them. Throw away all your manuals.

Manuals are lists of expectations for the way that the people in your life should or shouldn’t be.

Friends should respond to texts within a few hours.

Husbands/boyfriends should prefer going on walks with the woman they love over watching a football game.

Sisters shouldn’t be competitive.

Bosses should tell you how valuable you are to the company.

These are brief examples, but most manuals you create are pages upon pages thick. They are detailed and complicated.

And the sad thing is that the manual that you carry for someone is only yours.

You think they should just inherently know what’s in that manual and that would show you how much they love you.

But they probably don’t even know what’s in it!

Nothing they do will make you as happy as you want to be. Only you can do that.

If your emotional life is tied to other people’s behavior, you’re giving away all of your power and you’re setting yourself up for disaster.

And from their perspective...being with someone who is needy is exhausting and just not fun.

Yes, boundaries are needed sometimes. We have to protect ourselves.

But trying to control other people never works. It only makes us feel and act like crazy people!


So if it’s not a child that you’re raising, or an employee....toss that manual!

We can create a much calmer life when we don’t make others’ actions mean something negative.

Hear them out and get their perspective on things...it feels so much better.

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 by Heather Fillmore Coaching