There are some beliefs we hold onto about our relationships that (we think) sound really beautiful. But in reality, they’re only hurting us. They create insecurities, resentment, and discord.
Your family should always want to be near you and spend time with you.
A (mother/father/sibling) should call you and ask about what’s going on with you.
A (mother/father/sibling) should want to support you and go to your (or your children’s) events.
In-laws should be understanding, respectful, and inclusive.
Families should be close. But have you ever noticed what happens when these things don't pan out? When your family doesn’t call or ask about you? When your family isn’t close or your in-laws aren’t understanding? You feel hurt. And here's the deal:
You don't feel hurt because of what your family is or is not doing.
You feel hurt because you believe they "should" be different than they are.
Wanting your family to be close or meet your needs is not a problem. It's when you NEED them to in order to be happy, that it gets tough.
Allow What Is
When you can let go of needing them to validate you and be open to allowing them to be just as they are instead of judging them and waiting for them to fulfill the picture in your head, you get to just enjoy them.
Confidence comes from what you THINK. Not from your circumstances.
Your FEELINGS are protected from your CIRCUMSTANCES (aka your family) by your THOUGHTS. People don’t hurt you. Only your expectations and "should’s" do.
So why not try something more stable and certain:
Take responsibility for your thoughts and own that YOUR thoughts create how you feel.
Release your family from that weight and burden. Let them be the messy humans with their own dynamics and uniqueness.
Let the circumstances be what they are and not what you think they should be. Doing this helps YOU to feel better. And when you feel better, you DO better, and you create better results (like better connections in your relationships). Try it out this week and watch the miracles unfold.
PS...if this is a struggle for you, I can really help. Feel free to schedule a 30-minute call if you'd like to talk about it. Let's take the next step!