Updated: Jan 28
Most Nines (including myself) are PETRIFIED of people having negative opinions of them.
It makes sense when you consider our core fear: Loss of connection with anything we love.
We love connection. We want everyone to like
us. We want to fit in with the pack. We want to keep that state of peaceful belonging. At all times.
So opening ourselves up to being criticized is the last thing that our ego wants us to do. Boy have I ever learned this as I've been building my business. I can get 50 nice comments on an Instagram post and one rude one and my brain focuses on the one rude one and decides that I'm pretty much worthless.
Our brains (when unsupervised) are very selective about what they want to focus on. They will always choose whatever might be a threat to our acceptance in the "pack."
I thought I'd share some tips that I've learned for allowing people to have their opinions and share them, without becoming offended.
First of all, we always have the option of keeping the status quo and staying right where we are. I just want to mention that there's nothing wrong with this or YOU if you choose to do this.
But most of us feel a push to grow. And if we keep doing what everyone else thinks is best for us (thank you, well-meaning parents/siblings/leaders) without listening to our own hearts and gut feelings, we aren't living up to the full measure of our creation. Our spirits aren't expanding like they want to do.
So here are a few more options, if you decide to put yourself out there a bit.
1) You can always steer clear from the fee
dback altogether. You could either do it without telling people, or you could just decide not to ask for people's opinions. You could turn off the comments on your posts, or let someone else manage them. (This is what many celebrities do when they don't have the time or mental energy to deal with negativity.)
2) You can also decide to really listen to people's opinions with an open mind and find any truth that you can find in what they are offering.
When we open ourselves up to other people's points of view without making them mean a single thing about our worth, we can really learn a lot.
What’s beautiful about being able to listen people's opinions without offense is that you may learn something that could be helpful.
Remember...life is 50/50. Everyone is about half amazing and half messy. NOTHING is wrong with any of us if we fail at something or we look clumsy as we're trying to figure things out. We need to allow B- quality so we don't stay stuck where we are.
3) Lastly, you can allow people to be wrong about you.
I have family members who have no clue what I do as a coach. I'm pretty sure they think I just get on a soapbox on social media about stuff. My mom even said the other day, "what have you been doing today? Did you do one of your little classes?" Haha, she's so cute. I love just letting her not get it!
I find it MUCH easier to let people have their opinions and incorrect perceptions than it is to try to explain things. I just let them be wrong. One day they'll change their thoughts when my husband retires early because we are living on my income. (That's actually our dream. ;))
One last thought. The more you grow and expand, the more you’re going to have to deal with confrontation and allow people to examine you. As painful as this is as a Nine, I think it's beautiful because we can use it to make us stronger.
When people actually care what we’re thinking and doing, it's a sign that we're exactly where we are supposed to be. They care about our lives. They want to share their thoughts. They want to take the time to judge us.
I know it can feel horrible. And I just w
ant to offer that it doesn’t have to be. it doesn’t have to hurt.
It can just be interesting.
It can also be strengthening, especially when we overcome the fear.
Enjoy the rest of your day.