Updated: Jul 22
I think most of us *get* how important it is to let go of our need for people to approve of us.
Conceptually, we know that we need to embrace our authentic selves.
But when those moments happen when we need to make a choice between being bold with our desires/decisions…and risking being rejected, it feels nearly impossible.
Our bodies have memorized what rejection feels like.
Experiences in our past made imprints that have created an alarm system in our brains.
When we want to show the “true us” that alarm system goes off.
!!!!!! INCOMING THREAT !!!!!!!!, it yells.
We instantly feel terror in our bodies. Our hearts start racing, our breathing becomes more shallow, and often our chests feel tight and our faces feel hot. (Is this what happens to you? It can be different for everyone.) Essentially, our desire for a constant state of peace kicks in, and we want to reject our true selves.
It can truly be one of an Enneagram Nine's biggest fears (or anyone, for that matter) to be pushed away by others. Yet, by trying to live to please others, we miss out on finding joy in being our authentic self. It really is a lose-lose, trying to people-please (because guess what? People can still choose to reject you, even when you're changing to be what you think they want.)
Sooo... let's talk about how to show up as you, as your authentic, Enneagram Nine self. It will take some time and effort, but is a beautiful process.
How Do I Show Up As My True Self?
For us to start showing up as our true selves, we have to:
1. Become conscious of what these sensations feel like in our bodies when the alarm goes off.
2. Then we have to learn how to BE with that discomfort, reminding ourselves that this feeling is completely normal and will pass.
Once we do that, we can access more safe, confident feelings in their place.
Think about this for a minute: What sensations do you feel in your body when you’re happy and
alive? When you’re feeling aligned with who you truly are?
Memorize the sensations that you feel in those moments.
The invitation is to start accessing those sensations. So when the alarm system goes off, you’ll recognize what’s happening, regulate your nervous system by acknowledging it and giving yourself compassion, and then take a minute to access those warm, happy feelings in your body.
If it helps, think of someone with whom you can always be your true self, and imagine that they are there with you.
THIS is how you will recover from people-pleasing and holding back from what you truly want in your life. THIS is how you access your authentic self. This is how you can begin moving away from buffering or numbing negative emotions and feel the whole range of emotions- including the joy that comes from being you. From living for you and not for others.
You got this, Nine.
I'd love to help you in your journey of becoming a more bold Nine. Schedule a consultation with me. Even if we don't end up working together, you'll see things you have never seen before and feel more empowered.