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Enneagram 9s and People Pleasing- Why it's SO Tiring

One of our weaknesses as Enneagram 9s is that we want so much for other people to stay calm and comfortable that we stay quiet instead of saying what’s on our minds.


We are fearful of upsetting a situation or causing any form of conflict.


Enneagram 9s are peacemakers, after all.

This makes us feel tearful, hurt, unseen, and extra critical of ourselves.


We forget ourselves and our needs.


All of our energy is directed toward protecting the other person.

Harmony takes precedence over knowing what our own feelings and desires are.

We can’t keep this up forever. The harder we work to keep up this dynamic, the more unconscious anger we accumulate.



We create a never-ending, self-punishing cycle.

The more we hold the anger down, the more we fear that the volcano will erupt should we allow a little truth to escape us. So we repress more desperately.

When we finally do erupt, we confirm to ourselves that our anger is indeed destructive.

All the while, the real issue goes unaddressed- the people pleasing.

And the cycle begins again.

Is this you?

Joining The Bold Nine Academy is a perfect way to learn how to take life on and feel better- becoming an empowered Enneagram Nine. You'll have life-changing coaching, community, and tools that move you forward.

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