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9 Must-Haves for Thriving as an Enneagram Nine

Updated: Nov 3

Sometimes I post something on Instagram, and it basically blows up with hundreds of comments from Nines thanking me and saying how much they needed it. ;)

This happened recently with my post "9 Must-Haves for Enneagram Nines to Thrive", so I thought I'd share my words with you here in case you missed it or want to process any of them some more.


1) A slower, simpler pace in life and time to wind down at the end of the day.

Enneagram Nines can't keep going and going like other people do. Our nervous systems absorb a lot more information, and we tend to get overwhelmed more easily.

We need more time than others to leave the house, make decisions and process information in general.

2) A calm, quiet place that we can retreat to.

And even better...the space would have low lighting, little noise, a beautiful look, and a few favorite tools to help us relax (a book, music, a comfy chair or pillow, etc.)

3) Time to adjust to transitions in life.

Transitions are extra hard for Enneagram Nines. Even positive changes, like new relationships or new homes, can be overstimulating and require extra time to adjust.

4) Permission from ourselves and others to feel our emotions and to cry.

If we don't have this, we pay for it with mental and physical problems.

Breathe; focus on your throat and as you breathe, let the muscles relax and open up when you're fighting tears.

Emotions aren't dangerous to show or feel. Get to know them. Make them your friends.

5) The ability to manage conflict from a place of choice instead of reaction.

Dealing with angry people or potentially hurting people's feelings is downright scary for Enneagram Nines. We are great at conflict avoidance. We either avoid confrontation and conflict by going-along-to-get-along, or we react abruptly or passive-aggressively.

We need to practice moving to a place of center so we can be in a place of purpose instead.

6) Close, meaningful relationships with others.

Nines crave meaningful relationships, and we can become bored or restless in relationships that feel shallow.

We want to dive deep and connect in more profound ways. Practice allowing your messy self to be seen as much as the parts that you like. True connection and intimacy must go both ways.

7) Healthy meals spread evenly throughout the day, caffeine and alcohol-free options for drinks, and adequate sleep.