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3 Ways You May Be Disregarding Your Needs as a Nine

Updated: Nov 22




Do you ever wonder why you get disregarded and sometimes feel invisible?


I have news that may seem like bad news, but it’s actually good news:


It’s partly your fault. You are subconsciously creating this dynamic.


The reason this is good news is that it means that you can do something about it.


Here are three ways that you may be creating this as a Nine:


1) You try to make people think that you don’t have wants or needs.


As children, many Nines either believed that their caregivers would abandon them or that somehow they would be too much trouble if they expressed their wants or needs.


So they created a survival mechanism of appearing wantless or needless.


As adults, they end up people pleasing…not sharing their true desires or having boundaries.


Do you do this? Do you forget that YOU have needs, too? It happens so easily when we’re trying so hard to make sure everyone is happy and that others are fully accepting of us. We downplay our needs. And it never ends well. We end up feeling resentment and anger.


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2) You only allow yourself to give and not receive.


Because many Nines found it too hard to let people meet their emotional needs as children, their bodies memorized that feeling, and it is equally as difficult to allow people to help them as adults.


I personally have a really hard time accepting service from others. There have been times in the past when I’ve been really bogged down with hard circumstances in my life and friends have offered to bring a meal over or take a child for me, and I’ve been hesitant to let them because I don’t want to burden people.


But the real reason that I turned down help is because I wasn’t regarding myself as equally as important as them.


I was thinking I should have everything figured out and that it was my own fault that I was having a hard time.


As I’ve developed my relationship with me, it’s been easier to see my needs and allow people to help me when needed.


It’s still uncomfortable and it probably always will be, but I’m finding that receiving gets easier each time I allow it, and people say that they’re just glad they had to opportunity to serve because it brightened their day so much.


Some Nines, in an effort to make sure that they aren’t needy, end up attracting friends and romantic partners that are needy and unavailable.


They end up trying to fix them and find that it doesn’t work. It only depletes them of their energy. Then they feel exhausted and resentful.